Lockdown

There were better times
we know that now
as we huddle in isolation
telling each other
we're all in it together

the truth is
we're all in it for ourselves

we distance from one another
and strip supermarket shelves
because death is a terrifying prospect
it means we could be left in the dark, alone
we gave up the idea of God long ago

our new society of fabric masks
are only an extension
of the ones we already wear
we're used to hiding behind multiple layers
they should feel natural
eyes, peering over the top
remind us of our humanity

we wait

because mother nature has other plans
while we quiver in death's face
she repairs our multitude of sins
now we live them from behind closed doors
in lockdown
away from judgement
away from peering eyes
we're left alone to face ourselves
and our darkness
to let mother nature do her job
because we know we can't
we had our chance and failed

and we wait
for better times
huddled together in our clusters
while the sun
continues to shine down on us

- Melbourne, August 2020

(Poem written and created as part of a spoken word video, link here)

Restart

You are watching me
filling me

I can almost hear you breathe
you're that close
and everything starts to float before
I'm unsettled again

you remind me of things past
of a happier place

I want everything behind us
where the sun fills the dark spaces
that left us empty

Laneway meditation

Colour is returning
where winter had left bare
leaving only a tinge
of leggy shaped branches
and heavy mist

but I don't mind the dark
or the deep
it gives me comfort
knowing that life still exists
within that space

there's a cloud on
the horizon
when I look at it, I think of you
it has your shape

if I could touch it
I'm sure it would retract, back
into the sun
and return to the
intangible twilight

Day in town

Driving around Collingwood
retracing your time spent
as a young man
we found ourselves at
Studley Park Boathouse

we both had memories
of the place
with thirty years
between us

row boats     still
along Yarra's edge
sunlight
catching
in the afternoon

I wonder how many people
have sat there
opening their hearts
sharing stories

Emotions run deep

like wild fire through her veins

a phoenix reborn

Fearless

I used to think I was too much
my heart
too big
too filled, wanting
or at times too small

and then I realised

it isn't easy to love a woman like me
someone who feels so deeply, so intense
it must be frightening

to love me is to be brave
and not everyone
is strong

(Poem from My Beautiful Scars)

My Beautiful Scars

It's not that I have physical scars
my scars are emotional
because every experience
has left me feeling raw
   empty
    open

I imagine the chasm within me
filling up
making me complete
I want to hold that feeling
so that no one can take it away
from me again

these scars are reminders
of what it means
they're there to show me
what happens when
I let the bad stuff in

but now I'm wiser and I know
how to wear them proudly
they've made me who I am
a strong and self assured woman
who takes shit from no one
and when I look at them
these scars
I know who I am
I am whole
I am complete

(Poem from 'My Beautiful Scars')