Magnolia Tree

After a year of making changes
I've thrown out old clothes
  crockery
   and judgements

screamed at my reflection
in the mirror
sat with myself
for the first time
and had a conversation
realised I'm not bad
to talk to

contemplated
getting older
accepted mortality
understood
what it means to die

reclaimed my sexuality
revisited my younger self
who never really left

watched the wind pass through
the magnolia tree
witnessed their flowers scorch
in the summer sun
only to rebloom again

(Poem from Passion in Verses)

What remained

Love didn't disappear
when we parted
it lingered as a memory
of tenderness
and remembered
moments

it stayed with me
reminding me that
letting go
isn't that easy

my mind knew the truth
but my heart has its will
it feels what it wants
despite me

the ghost of our love
remained
long after I reached 
for your hand
in the dark of night

(Poem from Passion in Verses)

Urdu lover

I hold onto you
with the intensity 
of breath clinging to air
I don't let go and I know
this frightens you

I'm a wave that holds on
because I hear your call
to be held
a Jinn that looks beyond
into your deepest secrets
because there I truly see you
and all that is held there

and while you hold me
you tell me this cannot be
even though it already is

My Urdu lover
I cling to you
you cling to me
your God cannot control 
that which is free and untamed

Summer's end

At summer's end
you are a miracle
sleeping on my shoulder
we are dying and dancing
in the soft light
of autumn

an ocean of sea and salt
I lick the salt
from your chest
we have dissolved
our heavy limbs
climbing like 
grapevines

we can be anything
the roar of the sea
the calm dream 
of death

I am flooded 
and complete
at the same time

Lockdown

There were better times
we know that now
as we huddle in isolation
telling each other
we're all in it together

the truth is
we're all in it for ourselves

we distance from one another
and strip supermarket shelves
because death is a terrifying prospect
it means we could be left in the dark, alone
we gave up the idea of God long ago

our new society of fabric masks
are only an extension
of the ones we already wear
we're used to hiding behind multiple layers
they should feel natural
eyes, peering over the top
remind us of our humanity

we wait

because mother nature has other plans
while we quiver in death's face
she repairs our multitude of sins
now we live them from behind closed doors
in lockdown
away from judgement
away from peering eyes
we're left alone to face ourselves
and our darkness
to let mother nature do her job
because we know we can't
we had our chance and failed

and we wait
for better times
huddled together in our clusters
while the sun
continues to shine down on us

- Melbourne, August 2020

(Poem written and created as part of a spoken word video, link here)

Restart

You are watching me
filling me

I can almost hear you breathe
you're that close
and everything starts to float before
I'm unsettled again

you remind me of things past
of a happier place

I want everything behind us
where the sun fills the dark spaces
that left us empty

Emotions run deep

like wild fire through her veins

a phoenix reborn

(Poem from My Beautiful Scars)